Sunday, March 27, 2005
I'm damn bad today... I'm supposed to werk n today ooutlet is onli 1+1, which means ders is onli 1 barista n 1 manager running da outlet... And guess wat..?? The onli barista werkin was me n i didn't go fer werk juz now.. hahaz... I'm so so so sorry Shareen.. Hahaz... Shidah werkin too but she is posted to kiosk today.. And thankz Fai fer replacin me.. Hehe.. Appreciate it lots n hope ya had a great time werkin wit Shareen.. Hahaz.. She ain't dat bad anyway... Kind of cool.. Depends on her mood dude... Hahaz..
I told Ken early in da morn dat i can't cum to werk coz i had a slight fever n stomachache... Wen actually I had onli a stomachache while dat fever is yet to cum.. And thankz fer bein concerned.. Really appreciate it.. And thankz Azahar fer ringin me up juz to noe whether I'm alrite... It's so sweet of ya.. Hehez.. ;)
Actually ma body was feelin so weak after had a big fight wit ma younger sis at ma tutor's house at midnight... Believe it..?? Shouting across the room at each other, explainin n arguing every shit dat comes to mind, tryin ma bez to wake ma very defensive sis in da middle of the night...??!! Haiz... I can feel ma voice is goin worse each time I shout... I was strong but wen it came to da very emo side, I broke down... Didn't want to.. Haiz.. Ma tutor was kinda shocked wen I say those shit.. Luckily, she understands ma shit n we both were tryin to make ma sis realise wat is actually wrg wit her... Things hv change slowly ever since late last yr but we've bn toleratin it n it came to a point dat we decided dat we hv to put an end to her crapz.. She can't accept wat she is bein told.. And I juz realised dat she has a VERY high expection on ma parents, ma tutors n esp me..! Haiz... Sarcifice.. Dun understand y I always need to go tru this shit wen I tried to get away... I'm very saddened upon hearin every single shit dat came out from her mouth.. It's really hurtin n it did break ma heart into pieces..
Zakiah: You weren't der for me...! You were der physically but not mentally..! You dun even hv time fer me.. You didn't see ma changes n wat for should I change wen no one cares..?? You were busy and always in a bad mood weneva I wanna talk.. And I dun always ask ur help but wen it comes to u, I helped out wen I wanna rest..
Sm wer like dat, is wat she said.. but was broken into her own lines.. Fuck lah.. Smtimes, I realised dat ur own blood wun realise n appreciate even a small shit dat u've done fer dem esp da one dat u love most.. And it hurts more wen I see ma mum broke down.. Juz coz of ma sis's shit freakin attitude, she said she ain't a good mum n failed to bring out da bez.. Arrgghhh.. Even made ma dad lost of werds wen wanna make things out wit her.. This all shit has make me hate her more.. They r her parents n y u wanna make dem suffer..?? They love u so much n its juz dat u r not bothered to look in depth.. You onli look at da appearance n wat is onli happenin in front of ur eyes..?? Did u ever tot of wat dey r goin tru..?? And as fer us, we both r 3 yrs apart.. Its not dat far n u can't b me... U hv to b urself.. Find ur identity.. Wat fer ya should b a copycat Zakiah wen u can b da unique Zakiah..?? I'm on a diff path from u.. I'm not equal to u... No one is perfect.. Fuck lah.... Guess I stop here.. Makin me feelin more worse than a shit if I continue..
:: LiFe iS nEvEr dA waY wE wAnT iT oto bE ::
she bitched
at 9:39 AM
Hey peepz.. I'm sorry bout ma previous update... Haiz.. I really gone tru a lot this month.. So lost of werds now.. Just got home from conferencin.. I dun wanna tok bout it... I'm feelin really down.. Guess, life is all about makin decisionz n sacrifices.. Esp if ya da eldest in da family.. no one wuld wanna go tru this shit... It suckz manz.. hopin life will get better..
Just wanna thankz da ppl who hv bn der fer me esp to ma godparents cum ma tutor.. I love dem.. So much... Guess till here.. And thankz to ma sisters.. Fer supportin me n "yourRomeo?" fer ur tag.. Guess I prefer to b alone fer da meantime.. I'll blog wen i feel like it.. Take care.. And not fgt Syaiful, who has bn makin ma day everyday by makin me laugh.. Thankz a lot.. Miss ya guyz..
Life is beautiful... Peace..
she bitched
at 1:38 AM
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Fuckin shit.. This month has been a very bad month fer me.. Ma life has gotten from bad to worse.. Everythin happened at once n in a click.. First it was da sufferin in a shitty relationship wer I try to take in wat I can n den followed up wit da break up, den ma parents arguments, ma fuckin sister nonsense crappy prob wit ma parents, ma aunt who thinkz i'm da "bad" gal, da projects which is multiplyin, ma own freakin emo, stress at werk, ma mum's probz which she poured everything to me n lots more lah... Wen can ma life get any better...?? I really wish i'm out of this life n go into sum1's else life who is better.. I have been takin all this shit slowly n calmly n nvr once told everythin to any1.. Mayb a bit here n der but not all.. I wanna scream if I could but wat for..?? Release it fer a while wen u noe dat ur prob will stay der n wun change even a bit..?? I'm tired too, of puttin up a gd brave front everyday, hopin ppl think dat i'm crazy n juz so damn bored wen i'm actually sufferin deep inside..
I got no more feelings, no more fun, no more happiness, no more tears, no more of wateva u guyz can think of.. Feelin so lifeless.. Juz like a stone.. Hit dem as much n hard as u can n da stone will either crack or stay da same.. Haiz.. I'm screamin in pain inside n wish I hv sum1 to lean on.. But i dun really want it coz i will eventually prefer to die alone.. Arggghh.. Can anybody pls ask me way ma life is like dis..?? I dun choose to hv a life like dis but y i'm ended up in one of those shitty life..?? I'm tryin ma best to b positive bout life, but how can i b wen everythin is gettin from bad to worse as each day pass..?? Tell me..!?!
I wanna b alone n run away to a place wer no one can ever find me.. Wer I can calm down ma piece of mind n see life da way I wish to.. A place wer ders onli me.. No problemz or wateva shit life can store fer me.. I juz want time fer maself.. I'm feelin so lonely no matter how many friends i've got.. Anyone who can cure ma loneliness is welcomed.. Life, loneliness, lust, lies, love, live... Haiz.. Guess I wanna leave now.. Thankz fer spendin ur free time readin this piece of ma lettin-out-ma-stress piece of ma life.. So clueless of wat is even happenin now...
she bitched
at 9:57 PM
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Weekends is here again.. Met ma sisters at town.. As usual, I'm late.. Hahaz.. But Piper was even later.. She took a cab to town... She also treated us to Fish & Co. wer we tried our very best to finish up da food... Our stomach was bloated after tryin to squeeze everything in da stomach... Thankz fer da treat sis..!! You r really rich.. Wakakaz.. And thankz fer makin ma day both Piper n Phoebe... I FINALLY get wat i wanted from dem.. A pic/neoprint of the bitches.. Hahaz.. We looked pretty dumb n idioticz.. We r one anyway.. Esp Phoebe.. Wen she asked a surprising ques at Fish & Co.. I mean, "Phoebe" = "dumb"..??!! Hahaz.. Gosh..!! Sorry aite..! I'm glad u realise dat u r dumb too..
Met him fer while at CBTL Paragon.. Juz had a quick chat n walked off.. Haiz.. Recalled da times we used to spend at dat place.. Wateva.. Its over anyway... And so I went to ma cousin's house to tutor ma him.. Called Phoebe coz I was feelin so shitty.. Onli ma bitches noe y... Was surprised dat she was alone outside.. Piper went to werk alreadi.. So I met her up at City Hall n went to Esplanade after I'm done tutoring ma cousin.. As we walk to Esplanade, I realised ma sis's reddish try-to-avoid-crying eyes.. I asked if she is cryin or anythin dat she wished to share.. She denied, as per usual.. Dun lie to me lah..! You noe u can't sis though i can pretend dat i dunno a single shit...!
Ok ok.. I wun go into details.. We had a sisterly counselling each other n had to make up a drama so I culd reach Zaki.. Sorry dude.. Didn't mean to lie but I was tryin to help onli.. I noe how both u guys feeling in each shoes.. Haiz.. This is life.. *hugz* fer u both n Piper too..! And thanks fer pouring everything to me, Phoebe.. Which make me wanna share ma part.. Hahaz.. Can't blieve we both cried, talked, hug and supportin each other.. Its used not to b us.. Haiz.. A brave upfront is not everything i guessed.. Esp wen u r goin tru da trauma dat u which didn't happen at all.. You juz need dat sumbody who u culd lean on to, even wen u deny dat u dun need.. Aite sis..??
she bitched
at 11:01 AM
Friday, March 18, 2005
It was 3 AM
Wen u woke me up
Den we jumped in da car
And drove as far as we could go
Just to get away
We talked about our lives
Until da sun came up
And now I'm thinkin about
How I wish I could go back
Just for one more day wit u
One more day wit u
Every time I see ur face
Every time u look ma way
It's like it all falls into place
Everything feels right
But ever since u walked away
U left ma life in disarray
All I want is one more day
It's all I need
One more day wit u
Wen da car broke down
We juz kept walking along
Till we hit this town
Der was nothing der at all
But dat was all ok
We spent all our money on stupid things
but if I look back now
I'd probably give it all away
Just for one more day wit u
Now I'm sittin here
Like we used to do
I think about ma life
And der's nothin I wun do
Just for one more day...
One more day wit you..
she bitched
at 8:05 AM
I'm werkin today..!!! Shit..! So sick n tired of CBTL.. Today wit Lawson... Argghh... Nvm.. Later in da eve, I'll take ma time to go werk.. Dun give a shit bout it... Wat I really need now is gettin maself back.. Wonder how da "used-to-be-half-me" is doin.. Kind of missing dat person so badly.. Haiz.. Wish could meet dat person.. Can I..?? Are u free..?? Hahaz... Gimme a hug..?? A last one..?? Haiz.. I'm sounding so desperate... Ewww.. Dats nvr me... But mayb a hug can..?? Hahaz.. A fren's hug.. Whoa..!!! Gosh..! I'm totally gonna b crazy today..! Esp wit ma dad bugging me to wear "baju kurung" at least once a wk.. Gonna wear it later from hm but change it in da toilet... Like I care to wear it da whole day... F*** Off.... Anyway.....................
Ma modem is back again.. Hahaz... But me..?? Errrmm.... Wait wen da bitches bitch me out this sat... Hahaz.. Gonna meet u guys tml.! So happy..!! Now i wanna go ma sis Dian's house.. Internet Prog Project.. Haiz.. Ass manz... Gtg.. Miss everyone..!!! Muackz..!! I got an eye bag.. So freakin fugly.. But who cares coz onli I care... Gosh..!! I'm so selfish.. Kk.. Ma crazy is back n I guess I'm tokin to maself early in da morning... Take care peepz..!! And bitches, plz call n confirn aite..!! And Dian, here I come to ur house... Do get slp later in da train.. Today everyone of us gonna be "hey-ya"... Hahaz... Tata..!
she bitched
at 7:38 AM
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Hey peepz.. I'm back.. To update fer while wen I dun even have da mood fer it actually.. Spend ma day wit ma bitches yesterday.. I love u guyz..!! Went to play pool wit Dian n her frens too.. First time I met Hakim.. N also errmm... Naseer n Yogi.. Rite..?? Hahaz.. Had so much fun n laughter der.. Had a crazy day der wen Lembu made those idioticz mistake.. hahaz.. We played at Lucky Plaza.. Lembu drop by too since he goin out wit Phoebe later..
The bitches which obviously includes me, had our right top ears pierced together.. Checked out da picz at Ugly Moron 1 aka Piper's blog.. Hahaz.. Idiot bitches.. Hahaz.. And check out Phoebe wearing "tudung"...!! hahaz... U look cute sis..!!! Wakakaz... And fer the whole journey, Phoebe n me complained of wanna shit..!! We were really full of shit yesterday.. Ate a lot n our stomach was actually bloated.. It looks freakin fugly..!! Hahaz.. So much fun n enjoyment..! Gonna take a photo next friday which is the next bitches outing.. All this shit came from Fizah aka Phoebe.. Hahaz.. Was supposed to take it yesterday but wit her complains n crampy-wanna-shit-irritatin-tryin-hard-to-'please give me a chance' face, we postphoned it on our next outing.. Hahaz.. Idioticz..!! Real bitch manz..
So much fun n laughter but I ended up wit a really bad day which spoils ma mood to do a single shit which I must do.. Ma modem was crazy idiot [culd not log in to da net], had an arguement wit ma parents n also broke up wit Airie.. Dun ask me a fuckin thing bout it.. I'm still down and not able to share wateva I hv in both mind n heart.. I miss him though I was da one who suggest coz it was diff on his part to say.. Can read it.. Its ok dude.. I'm not blamin u on everythin n i dun hate ya at all.. It was partly ma fault too.. I wun say here nor tell ya.. Guess I'm too late fer anything, not even to ask if we can patch or not.. I not tryin to sound so desperate of love but frankly, I wasn't willingly to let ya go wen i was sayin it.. Did dat coz was thinkin on ur part.. I'm givin ya lots probs fer da moment n i understand the shitty feelin u goin tru now.. Wer it fades wen bein disturbed.. Should've hv told me earlier.. And also it was dumb on me too fer not realisin it earlier.. No use of fakin anyway n thanks fer the wonderful journey I hv wit u.. Never been in this shit b4.. Kinda diff I shall say.. Unique.. I noe u're bein truthful n dat nvr cheated on me.. I'm glad n appreciate bout it.. Its da other thingy of human beings dat botherin u which I guess onli u n i noe..
Anyway, meetin ma bitches this sat coz I really need dat bitches hug n consollin.. I love u guys.. I guess I will b on ma bed all day if I dun noe u bitches.. Esp Phoebe fer understandin n givin me support.. Haiz.. And ma sis Dian.. Thankz fer bringin laughter in ma life.. and informin bout da bloggy thinghy coz I wuldn't noe bout it since ma modem had gone crazy.. Wish u luck n all da best wit Mahmud.. Dun keep him in da dark like I had.. U get wat I'm tokin do u..??
Learnt lots of lesson as each day past by.. Esp in relationshipz n life... And some things are to b kept to urself.. Have to agree now wit Midzi n Dian.. Guess its so true.. And like wat Airie said, life has to move on.. Wat for fakin n hurtin ownself.. Feel so tight n sufferin.. Goin off now.. I wish I dun hv feelings at all.. Can I stay the bitchy me..?? I can.. Of coz.. Coz da bicthes will always be the bicthes aka charmed ones.. Hahaz... Crapz..
Did I sound like I was dyin..?? Hahaz... Sound kinda stupid bein so emo.. But wat to do.. This is me.. Accept it or get freakin fuckin lost..!!! Take care aite..!! Idiots will always b an idiot... Rite, bitches..?? Wakakaz...
she bitched
at 6:48 PM
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
*cough**cough*....!! So sick n so lonely... haiz.. And da new seng kang polyclinic is so horrible... So irritatin.. Dun wanna tok bout it.. Today is juz another loneli day at home wit me sleepin fer hours after takin medicines.. Miss ma sis Dian n frens... ma body is so weak n hearin ppl coughin here n der makes me more sick.. Den da medicines smmore.. Eewww.. hate it lotsa manz... Makes me drunk.. Feel like gulpin everythin juz now n slep fer days... haahz.. Dats gonna b so cool... hahaz..
Anyway, yesterday met up wit ma fav cuzzie who werk at Zouk.. Bro Kasbi.. Hehe.. Mish him lotsa manz...!! hang up wit him till 10 n took a cab hm.. All on him yesterday.. The treat at Marche, the Haagen-daz ice-cream, a pair of sandals from Nova... Hahaz.. He gonna buy me a pair of a Nike shoe too..!! I'm so pampered wit ma bro.. Wat to do.. he's da closest n trusted most by me... Spend da whole evenin wit him n his chinese gf, Yvonne, at town yestrday after school... So cool.. talk bout everythin.. Both dem put on weight but luckily not fat..!! hahaz.. Bro's body is kinda tensed up after goin fer gym n came back from reservice at CDA... He used to b a bouncer at Zouk but now change to PR over der.. While Yvonne is busy wit her producin werk.. She's a producer at errrmm... I fgt.. But she earned a lot.. 6K per mth... Wow... If onli I'm as clever as her... n multi-talented too.. hahaz... Guess now gonna spend more time wit dem... Ma bro also miss me..! hahaz.. Cool...
Take care everyone.. I'm drunk fer da moment... Coz of all da shit dats I've been takin... crazylamedee is out... Peace.. life suckz but beautiful...
:: L!Fe oF a s!MpL3 yeT c0nFus!n gaL ::
she bitched
at 10:10 PM
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Happy 1 month baby..!!! Hahaz... So cool.. Hehez.. And to ma bitches sisterz, i made it a month.. And wit blessings n patience mayb we'll have a long last relationship.. I noe u guys wuld do sum countdown... hahaz.. Do hang up ya,..! I miss ya manz...
Anyway, today is gonna b a juz short update... Coz I met ma baby today even fer awhile... Hehez.. After the one week of so called cool-off period... Haiz.. Really miss him..!! Hahaz.. Ok ok... Guess dats all... I'm still very very very happy now coz get to see him... Hehez.. Wonder if i get to see him next week... Haiz.. Take care sweetie.. Miss u..!! i'm wit ya alwayz..!! ;)
she bitched
at 9:44 PM
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Hmmzz... Sacrifice.. Just tot of it after I looked at things again.. ma life n ma loved ones.. Sacrifice fer love..?? I dun onli mean bout it in relationships but also family... Why u sacrifice..?? Why make urself live in sufferin wen u can choose to make urself happy n let da other party suffer..?? Coz of love..?? Yesh..
You love ur loved ones.. Your parents.. your gal/guy.. You care bout dem... You dun wish dem to b sad.. You want dem to b happy.. Deep inside u, u dun mind bein sad n suffer juz as long as ur loved ones r ok n fine.. Dats wat u all ever wish fer.. Bein hurt alone is nthin as long ders a smile on ur loved ones.. Hurt is nthin compared to see a frown on ur loved ones.. Rite..?? Human beings r really gd pretenders.. Everyone has a problems.. No one can escape from dat.. Its part n parcel of life.. We juz hv to live wit it till we die.. Da ups n downs in life r challenges dat we hv to face everyday.. No one can ever live peacefully except da dead ones..
Reality bites.. But do we have a choice..?? Life is bout makin decisions.. Decisions to choose wat kind of life u wanna lead.. Even if we hv to suffer fer a long/short period, be stong n confident in facin reality.. Get dat positive thinkin dat everythin is gonna b alrite.. Nthin can go wrg if u avoid da mistakes or actions taken.. We hv brains.. Use dem.. We hv feelings.. Use dem.. Learn how to give n take n share.. Understand bein in other ppl's shoes.. Feel wat dey r feelin.. Der is always such thing as imagination.. Dats wat our teachers hv been tellin us in pri n sec schools wen we write our composition.. Dats how authors can write a great book wen dey add imagination n feeling in it..
Sacrificin isn't easy.. We all noe dat.. It takes time.. You hv to see da situation n decides whether u r able to tolerate those pains n hurts.. Its a choice.. Remember dat peepz.. And do plz remember to make urself happy first n den da others... Coz u wun b able to cheer up others wen u, urself ain't happy.. Its of no use.. And if u ever feel like lettin out ur anger, do it... Dun cramp everythin into urself.. Its bad fer da health.. Dun put all da burden to urself.. And get ur life straight n dun mixed all da probz in to.. believe in urself.. have faith.. put dat ego away n think plus solve ur probs wit ur heart n mind... Dats wat i've learnt.. And as a gd fren, b a gd listener.. u nvr noe wen u need ur fren's help... Dats all.. gtg.. to werk.. Byez peepz..!!
she bitched
at 1:23 PM
Today is ma second time werkin at t1t but this time I'm really fer here not fer any attachment.. To b exact, it was yesterday fer P.M shift, 3-11 pm.. Wasn't really in da mood to werk actually coz I quite dislike da managers over der.. No Ken also.. No cool managers.. Desmond was werkin yesterday.. he's ok but wen it comes to schedule, he's da worst n most hated by me.. Haiz.. Can't really understand our situation unlike T2T.. he do cares bout us but unlike T2T.. haiz..
Anyway, punched in fer werk at exactly 3 p.m.. Hehe.. Cool.. Fer da errmmm.. first time i came early fer werk.. hahaz.. Saw Mas.. She den told me da unexpected news.. Baristas wun get da $5 transport if we r even late fer a min.. Gosh..!! Wat the ****..?!?! Dat was really terrible.. Moreover, dey dun so-called allow da baristas to make IB drinkz.. Damnz.. My goodness..!! Is der any CBTL outlet worst den dis..?? Gosh..! I really miss T2T.. Wer we r free to do wat we wan.. We give n take among each other, helpin out in slam, havin so much fun durin werk wit all da loud laughters n jokes, eatin n makin drinkz fer our own, tryin mixed anyhow drinkz n food n loads more.. Really miss da atmosphere over der.. Esp wen our Auntie Gourmet, come out from da kitchen n shout "Tag 2! Fusilli Chicken & Waffles..!!", expectin da customer to raise their hands n show her wer dey r sittin or come up to take their food.. Like Kopitiam manz.. Haiz.. And also da slam wer da queue will be till da next store, blockin da walkway.. And how messy our place will get wit those spilled coffee n water n espresso.. Its so havoc wit da shoutings n helps from each other.. And also how we anyhow make their drink wen der's slam which end up wit a messy E.B n I.B station and how everyone is tryin very hard to clear da slam wit da cashiers exhaustin n dehydratin due to talkin non-stop wit da customers, esp da irritatin ones which will order a long list or a completed drink or askin lots of ques bout juz a drink n den dun wanna buy makin da cashiers so frusted n annoyedn makin da queue longer.. Whoa.. Realli miss T2T..
By da way, made sm new frens at T1T.. Darina n Azahar [ knew dem earlier b4 ], Shidah [nice gal.. reminds me of Aida..], Raudhah [it was her birthday yesterday.. celebrated wit a cake n was sabo.. reminds me of Rodiya..] and Danny [once she was attached at T2T but onli stand at da E.B.. do nothin.. Wati, Yantie n Mas was frustrated wit her.. hahaz..].. Dey r cool.. Also saw Elly b4 werk n Zoe durin ma break n after werk AT T1DT.. Dey r our sisters/mothers of T2T.. Saw Izan too at T1DT after werk n Zach at T2K.. I was attached der fer while coz da T2D staff culd not handle T2K alone.. and was alone n sufferin again at T2K till Zach came.. And Aziah n Mas wen werkin.. Mas was attached to T1t coz no staff fer mornin n Aziah werk at T1K fer P.M shift leavin me alone wit da T1T staff.. And also Auntie Gourmet.. Who is transferred at T1T like me, Wati, Yantie, Aziah, Azrina n Sijie.. And ma bro Amir coz I have to borrow $100 from him to pay ma bills.. Haiz.. Miss T2T.. i'm off.. Wanna slp.. Tml werkin again n cannot afford to b late..!! Take care.. Oppzz.. Fgt to say Gd Nitez peepz..!! ZzzzZZzzzzz... *SnoreZzzz*....
she bitched
at 12:46 AM
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Hey peepz.. I'm gonna welcome maself back.. Back to da reality werld.. Wer it bites us.. To da deep.. Wer we hv to face diff challenges n problems everyday in life..
Sorry bout last nite update.. Wasn't maself lately.. Was totally pissed off & confused wit ma shitty life.. A life dat I hv been tryin to live up.. To a beautiful one wit only swet memories.. Guess dat onli happens in dreamz.. But even dreams hv nightmare.. hmm.. Mayb imagination or illusion den..
Behind every smile, ders always a hidden pain.. Ain't dat true peepz..?? Esp to da great pretenders in this freakin unfair & unreasonable werld.. Yeah, almost da pl in dis werld fake & lie bout demselves.. Frankly, I'm one of dem.. Puttin a big smile everyday, laughin so cheerfully, tryin very hard to put away those pain & hurtful memories, livin everyday as if wishin it wuld get better & hopin life wuld end soon if its gonna hurt us more..
Life isn't onli bout how we gonna live it but also da experiences & receivin love from every1 esp dearest ones.. It is experiences n da love we've got dat help us to see da werld... The Reality.. Memories r also experiences but its memories dat gave us a greater impact on our lives.. Wat we go tru everyday also helps us to understand life better.. But how many of us actually do some reflections at home..?? And wonders wat went wrg or why smmthings happen da way it ain't supposed to be..?? Or wat is actually life is all about..?? Why r we born in da planet called "Earth"..?? Mayb we can onli feel n think bout dat but r unable to express it in werds... Talkin n feelin doesn't match.. U'll nvr noe if dat smbody is lying.. Esp a gd liar n pretender...
Anyway.. Wanna say dat I really feel glad dat I hv ma dearest frens wit me.. Very supportin n thanks guyz fer bein der wen I'm in need n down.. hehez.. thankz fer taggin too.. Really appreaciate fer da support u gave me.. N ma lil dearest sis Dian.. Thankz so much fer bein wit me n by ma side.. in school n also everywer.. So glad to make u as a fren at first n den a sis.. hehez... N thankz Jessica fer yesterday... I'll go to u wen i need help.. I'm under control now.. Hehez.. Onli left wit werk.. Which i think i gonna quit soon.. Tired of those irritatin freakin motherf***** managers of T1T.. Wish T2T hasn't close down yet..
I'm ok now.. Under-control.. Livin life as I shuld.. Wishin n hopin I'm ok n hopin a miracle wuld happen.. I'm gonna leave u alone.. Get back to me wen u r ok.. Take care peepz.. Hope u noe who u r.. I love u guyz ma dearest frenz..!! Sis Cutie-breakdancin Dian, CD lecturer sweetest lady Jessica, ma bitchy-Charmed sis Piper n Phoebe, ma lil dearest Semut Wati, Marina South inaadey.... hahaz... Dun werry bout me.. I noe i can handle ma own probz.. Dun sympathy or pity me coz I dun need dat.. Juz shower me wit ur friendship n love... Care, concern wit hugz..!! Trust n encouragement too..!! Dats wat friendship is all about.. Bein der wen dey r in need...
:: L!Fe 0F a s!MpLe yeT c0nFus!N gaL ::
she bitched
at 9:25 PM
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
I'm dead.. I really dun feel like doin any single shit.. I'm sick of everything... Tired of those shitty werds.. Tired of those hurtful tears.. Tired of gettin hurt.. Tired of fakin n forcin maself to smile as if life is so nice n beautiful... Haiz.. Why must I lie to maself.?? Haiz.. Questions lingerin inside ma head.. loads of dem.. Wishin everyday wuld b better but it bcum worsen.. I should b dead by now but y am i alive..?? Yeah, I shuld thank god fer this actually.. But who cares..?? I dun give a shit to ma life anymore.. Everyone been suckin up on me.. Except a few.. Dian, Wati, Yantie, ma CD lecturer Jessica.... Haiz..
Why do ppl fall in love..?? To get hurt..?? Or to b loved..?? Why is love fadin wen one has achieved his/hers love..?? Is dating a game..?? Is love a game..? family love..?? Wats dat..? Is it juz a piece of crap..?? To make u blieve in love..?? Wats love anyway..?? I'm so confused..!! I need to get maself back.. I dunno how.. But I have to.. No matter wat.. Mayb I need dat special sm1 so badly... No hugz, no kisses, no sweet werds like i used to had... Wer has it all gone..?? to da rubbish dump..?? Wer is ma love..?? Ma family...?? da love..??
Gosh... I'm truly sick.. Maybe I'm so emo today due to ma PMS... Haiz... I hate to be alone...! Wen i say I wanna b alone, i dun mean it... Haiz.. I really hv lost dat special person whom understands me... Now, i dun wish to lose another.. I need a hug so badly...! Anybody care to give one..?? Please...... I'm an idiot... Stupid... Dumb... I'm not tryin to get any sympathy from any1... Juz wanna let out maself... Really had a bad day today.. Though ma sis dian n Jessica managed to put a smile on ma face... The first smile I had this mornin had been erased... After talkin things out... I'm gonna b alone... Fer da moment... i'm out... u guyz do not need to understand this crappy update... I'm just losing out maself..................................................
i'm dead... no werds.. onli tears... Gettin into a relationship can smtimes b a burden to sm ppl... Mayb one party dun feel it but da other party is.. So dun b selfish... Do xpress ur feelings to dat special sum1 b4 its too late guyz... time is very precious.. Dun regret after u hv lose dat special sum1.... I'm off... To a place wer i dun called a home n wit ppl whom I'm tyrin to b happy wit...
I want ma life back... Put a smile on ma face again... I dun wish to die alone...
::L!Fe 0F a s!MpLe yeT c0nFus!n GaL ::
she bitched
at 10:23 PM
Damnz.. This week hv bn a very bad bad luck fer me... But gd thin I hv ma sis Dian around to get crazy n lame wit.. No shame in makin fool out of ourselves in da middle of a crowded place..Dun care wat ppl think as long we get ourselves a life n b happy always.. Rite..? Hahaz..
Been a bad week coz...
1) I'm broke.. [ believe it..?? i'm broke..!?!?! ]
2) Received a warnin letter.. [ Got a lecture from mum.. EVERYDAY..!! ]
3) Ma comp broke down 2 dayz ago... [ dats y i was so frustrted n culd not update ]
4) Ma "dat girly thingy" came.. [ i bcum so paranoid n less understandin n less patient.. BAD..!! ]
5) Midzi been actin weird esp after that NS botak cut [ he wears a cap everyday.. Wit i dunno wat reason ]
6) Can't get along well wit ma real blood sis, Zac.. [ so damn freakin selfish..!! y muz i hv her as a sis ??? ]
7) I got very dehydrated.. [ ma skin lips kept peelin off.. so dry.. so painful too..!! ]
8) Not gonna meet Airie fer this wk I guess.. [ He's bz wit his floorball while I'm bz wit ma bundles of projects n examz n werk..!! Gosh..! I miss him... ]
9) Every mornin i hear ma mum lecturing me to wake up early n go sch early.. [ dats really so irritatin u noe..??!! ]
10) Ma life is bcumin worst as days goes by.. [ Got no money to top up ma fare card.. Guess I'll hv to borrow again... From who..???!! ]
11) My bills is worsen.. $ 127.. [ Gonna borrow money from ma brother.. $100.. Gotta pay ma tutor by 9 March... Haiz.. Countdown..!! ]
12) I'm sad n dunno wat to do wit ma life............................... But gonna be happy n cheerful... ;)
Hehe... been a crazy week too.. gettin closer wit Dian these days.. Shared our sorrows n craziness together.. hahaz.. Life is beautiful if u keep on looking at da bright side..! Be happy n smile.. And leave n put away those bad thingy aside.. Life will get n b better.. Hehez.. Esp wit ur loved ones around.. Muackz..!! Take care..! And Midzi, if der's any chance u reading this, me n Dian wuld like to say dat we're here fer u if u need our help.. Dun burden urself.. We're close frenz..! ok..?? And fer ma bithches cum Charmed sis.. I miss u all lotz.!! Wen is our nex meetin..?? Hehez.. And fer ma lil semut, Wati, b calm n relax in ur relationship.. Thinnk twice of da actions u r takin.. ok..?? I'm here.. u can talk to me bout it.. N ma baby..!! I miss u so much..!! Take care ya..! I noe u r sleepin now.. While I'm late fer ma class.. hahaz.. Good luck fer ur tml match at Dover..!! I'm wit u always..!! Muackz..!
she bitched
at 8:40 AM
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