So wHat iF im b|tchy* [ YOu caN geT LosT bY aLL mEans ] [ I duN giVe a daMn oN waT oR h0w u LoOk aT mE, BITCH...! ]

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Damnz... I wish i wasn't even born..!! Manz, this feelin i havin now is so suckin.. God, please help me.. Parents can smtimes b a pain in da ass.. I dun really mean dat actually.. Lettin am feelings out now.. Juz got a fight wit ma mum.. Pleadin, misunderstandin, love, pain, jealousy... Haiz.. Gave up manz.. I'm not runnin after money but ur love mum.. Money wun do anythin.. It can't buy love.. Sorry bout juz now... Just can't pretend though i'm very gd pretender but not this time.. I just hv to let it go.. Been keepin it for long.. I need ur love mum.. Ur hug n sympathy wen i'm down.. Ur kiss to show me u care n thank god for havin me in this world.. Tell me i'm ur everything... Juz these small simple things i need n wished from u.. I'm not jealous or "merajuk" coz u bought younger sis somethin n didn't even buy me a single thing... Just dat i dun get dat from u wen i was her age.. U shuld noe how i was treated.. I'm da eldest... I'm aware of dat very well.. Scoldins, beatings, caning, naggings were a norm for me in those days... But now..?? See both da sis.. They get wat i even juz got now... *haiz*... I'm weerkin now n i can managed ma own life... da onli thing i'm left out is trust n love from ma own parents.. I can pretend dat this doesn't happen but in ma mind, this is da very day i learnt most n ma maturity is gained... I always hide ma feelings n not show it off.. Even wen i'm really mad or disappointed wit u n dad.. I'm not blamin u n dad everythin.. I admit part of it is me.. I dun open up ma feelings with u... i'm just so secretive.. Ma motive was not to bother n burden ppl esp u n dad... I rather suffer than makin u both stressed up.. I just want a big happy family with love circling around us.. Guess till here.. I will give back ur money... I realli dun want it.. Hope u understand me... Feel me from da inside.. Not who i m outside.. Coz i can pretend very well.. Onli wen i'm totally break down den i cry.. n dun mistook me of crying coz i hv bad feeling wit u.. Instead I'm thankin god i hv u n wish u hv known me better n cherish me.. You hv been in ma mind every sec mum & dad... I love u both..!! Muackz..!! Miss u so much though u r in da house now.. I feel apart from u... Realli.......... :(

she bitched
at 8:12 PM

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